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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29015151">We’ll Get Better</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/flinthasfeels/pseuds/flinthasfeels'>flinthasfeels</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Banana Fish (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ash Lynx Lives, Ash Lynx Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Lots of dialogue, Mentioned Shorter Wong, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, Sad and Happy, Takes place somewhere in japan, They miss Shorter so much</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:07:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,661</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29015151</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/flinthasfeels/pseuds/flinthasfeels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>His eyes stung with forming tears, “I miss him.”</p><p>“Me too.” He croaked, fluttering his eyes shut as he felt Eiji lean in. </p><p>Shorter’s death impacted Ash and Eiji so similarly yet so differently.</p><p>Or</p><p>After waking up from an unknowingly shared nightmare, they find themselves expressing their guilt, comforting one another.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>We’ll Get Better</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Shorter’s face laid bare with raw excruciating pain.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ash, the one who took aim directly at the back of the mans chest, faced the guilt of being the murderer of his best friend. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eiji had a strong case of survivors guilt, feeling the heavy weight of Shorter’s corpse collapsing on top of him, a speck of his crimson blood lightly tapping the others cheek. His eyes were wide out of shock, mouth agape.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Only a few inches apart, sharing a bed, were two survivors. Survivors of the harsh reality, the supposed American dream. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ash jolted forward, eyebrows contorted in a knot of regret from the torment his brain made him go through. The moon was still high in the sky, it’s white aura blanketing atop Ash’s pale face. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sat idle, stiff as a board and eyes wide, while ensuring himself not to make a peep.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There have been fragmented times where Ash would ask for Eiji’s reassurance, but tonight was not the night. Because he was sure that Shorter’s brutal death was his fault, since he was the one that wielded the gun. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Eiji was hauled out of sleep too, eyes refusing to budge open and laying figure stiff. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Although Eiji never was forced to kill someone he deeply cared for, he had to <em>watch</em> it happen. He bared witness as Shorter took his last breath, chest constricted in place, knees weakened, collapsing. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And within that moment, Eiji was thinking one of three things,</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em>
    <span class="s2">What could have I done differently? Why did I come here? Did I mess everything up because I came here? </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A harsh hand of guilt immediately squeezed his heart, constricting it in it’s cold fingers. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did I wake you?” Ash’s voice was raspy and quiet, but it still managed to interrupt Eiji’s thought process.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"><em>Shit</em>,</span>
  <span class="s1"> he thought. He knew Ash was observant.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eiji defeatedly brought himself up, holding his knees close to his chest while shaking his head, “No no, I uh, I kinda just woke up by myself.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The other seemed to catch on quickly, “Nightmare?” His tired eyes got caught in the light again, and they gleamed as he asked the question. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eiji was reluctant to open his mouth, moreover speak. He wasn’t sure if Ash was also having a nightmare of Shorter, and even if he was, he was sure that talking about it would spoil the night and the following day.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">All Eiji could find himself doing was nodding lightly, “Yeah. I do not get them often, but when I do...” He trailed off, trying to find a word that would match what he was trying to describe,</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ash sat idle before he then filled in the sentence, “They’re bad, right?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em>
    <span class="s2">Oh yeah, he definitely had a nightmare too. </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And Eiji found himself nodding again, “Mhm.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The other’s eyes shifted from a tired daze into sympathy, rather a mix of both, “I guess it wouldn’t be fair if I just dismissed this...” He looked away, “I had one too. So uh— If you want to talk about it, I’m listening, nightmares are hard, you know?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The grip on Eiji’s heart loosened as he began to feel more grounded to reality, but a feeling of uncertainty slapped him in the face as he thought about Ash’s words, “I am unsure if talking about my nightmare would be good for you, though.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Eiji...”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, no. I am being genuine here.” Eiji rested his head on his knees, “It’s haunting me for a reason, Ash, it’s awful to think about— And I think you hearing about it would not be good for you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Eiji.” His voice was less wavered, “I’m not going to push you— But you’ve listened to me talk about mine an abundance of times.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eiji knew Ash’s words were genuine, yet the words forming at his throat stuck like glue, and it felt as if it was almost impossible to muster a word. He couldn’t bear to see that pained look again, revisiting from the first time when Ash had that gun aimed for...</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shorter.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It fell off of his tongue like a snowball inevitably rolling down a steep hill, “I had another nightmare about Shorter, Ash—“ He choked up ever so slightly, “I just did not want to tell you because I feel no one should ever have to revisit such a moment.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Silence fell, thick silence. It was as if Eiji could take a knife right now and cut through it. But it wasn’t silenced rage, or masked melancholy, it was shock.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And Ash’s face proved that. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But then, just for a second, the shock faltered, the tensed muscles in his face loosened, and his eyes shifted down to the sheets, hair practically flowed down in front of his eyes like a waterfall, </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The tension snapped back seconds later though, and he felt an overwhelming sea of guilt rush onto shore, engulfing him in the strong waves to drown. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Eiji, I-“ He didn’t have words, the lump in his throat grew, but he continued to speak, “I’m sorry, Eiji— I wish you didn’t have to see that.” He wrapped his arms around himself as his hands constricted, voice lowered down to a whisper, “I wish I haven’t of killed him...”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eiji shook his head, knowing that this came off the wrong way to the other.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Although reluctant, he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, his thumb making repetitive motions, “Ash, you did not have a choice and you know that, hell, they set everything up and they had it their way. From what I was looking at, you did the right thing. Shorter was gone even before you set him free.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And when Ash glanced back at him, Eiji’s eyes were opaque, shining white from tears lacing over them. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He placed a hand over Eiji’s hand that rested over the others shoulder, “I don’t know where I’d be without your words...” He let out a dry laugh, almost a silent cry for help, “I just don’t want to think about it anymore. Whether my intentions were ill or not, I still have Shorter’s blood on my hands.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eiji lifted his hand from under Ash’s, claspingboth of his hands gently into his, “You see blood, I see having to kill for your survival.” He looked up back at Ash, who had a soft and broken gaze on the hands holding his, “From the time I spent with you back in New York, not once did you kill because you </span>
  <span class="s2"><em>wanted</em> to,</span>
  <span class="s1"> it was an act of defense, rightly so.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Eiji.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ash,” He replied, “Never blame yourself for Shorter’s death, because it wasn’t you who kidnapped Shorter and I, you did not plan any of that, okay?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ash only weakly nodded, as if he barely believed the words that his ears heard. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t even a few moments that passed until Ash broke the silence that made time seem to stand still, “What happened to Shorter?” He rubbed the back of his neck, “In your nightmare.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eiji only sighed as he revisited the dark imagery from the nightmare that plagued his brain, “No altercations, it was just like it was when I had experienced it in current time. It felt... real.” His eyes stung with forming tears, “I miss him.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That last sentence, Eiji expressing the raw heartache he felt since the day it happened. He expressed what Ash wished he could, in ways. And all Ash felt he could do was to shift closer, placing arms as delicately as he could around Eiji, </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me too.” He croaked, fluttering his eyes shut as he felt Eiji lean in. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I miss him so much.” His voice was muffled as he sunk his face into Ash’s shoulder, “I feel bad, because he protected me while I was paralyzed and I just had to </span>
  <span class="s2"><em>watch</em>.</span>
  <span class="s1">”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And almost hastily Ash felt his shirt get wet, a pang of guilt ricocheted within his chest. “Please try not to feel bad, Eiji— It wasn’t your fault.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It wasn’t your fault either.” Eiji reminded melancholically, words spoken just before Ash could re-dwell into his regrets. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ash only shook his head, arms still around the other, “We’re talking about you right now, okay?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And Eiji didn’t reply. Talking about Shorter was a touchy subject for both of them; they wanted to move on from an unresolved, much needed talk. But up until now he had realized he needed to discuss it with Ash if he wanted them to progress together. He couldn’t simply leave an unresolved issue in the dust, for it would follow him, growing bigger and bigger until it swallowed him whole. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But as of now, progress was being made in Eiji’s eyes. Ash’s arms brought comfort to him as his breathing subsided, and he felt the other’s hitched breathing calm, too.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know...” Ash sighed, “Hanging around you and Shorter has got to be one of the more happier memories I had at the time,” He pulled away but didn’t look Eiji in the eyes, rather he looked over his shoulder, “You and Shorter were like best buds, eh?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eiji let out a small airy laugh, “You say that as if I haven’t noticed how close you two were.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Using past tense when referring to Shorter felt like a slap in the face, but just for tonight, they tried to brush it off. Sharing happy memories guided them away from all the grief and regret, the demons that seemed to haunt them terrifyingly often. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m glad you got to meet him, Eiji.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eiji heard grief laced over those words that exited Ash’s lips.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” This time, Eiji pulled Ash into a hug, hands placed lightly on the others back, “I am glad.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ash latched onto Eiji, like he finally broke down the barrier to let everything out to be free. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Things will get better Ash, I promise.” Eiji sniffled, “Throughout time the name ‘Shorter’ will be thought without bringing pain.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em>“<span class="s2">We’ll</span><span class="s2"> get better.”</span></em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you enjoyed!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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